


our boy

by parkrstark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: (very briefly) - Freeform, Angst, Bullying, Depression, Gen, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Suicidal Thoughts, Uncle Ben angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-23
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-06 23:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14068110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: Peter uses BARF (The Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing) to help deal with the night he lost Uncle Ben. Tony is there to catch him when he falls.





	our boy

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this is angsty. There isn't much comfort just because Ben is gone and BARF can't bring him back....
> 
> I really hope Ben doesn't seem to ooc (even though we've never seen him before) and peter too. But making them fight is hard to do. Ben is a little tough in this at times, but I feel that's how he is. At least my headcanon of uncle ben is a big tough guy that takes 0 shit (but still loves his little nerdy nephew to pieces). There are also references to Peter's depression. That's the driving force behind it all. He's not always sunshine and rainbows. 
> 
> I'm very nervous posting this...I hope it's okay.

“Kid, if you’re not ready...you don’t have to do this,” Tony says quietly as he watches Peter take a seat on his couch.

 

Peter shakes his head, already pulling at his sleeves. “No. I need to do this.”

“You don’t _need_ to do anything,” Tony says. Part of him hopes that Peter will back out of this crazy idea. Sure, it’s Tony’s invention and Peter’s using it exactly for the purpose it serves, but he’s afraid. He’s afraid that it won’t work or it’ll make everything even worse for Peter.

 

Tony had mentioned it lightly one day when Peter was feeling really bad about his uncle. He was closed off and moody all day until he finally cracked and told Tony what was wrong. Tony reassured him that it was okay to not be okay even over a year later. It had been almost 30 years and Tony still wasn’t over his parents (which had been a bad response, really). Then BARF came up in conversation and Peter had looked so hopeful to try it that Tony couldn’t say now. He invented the thing to help people cope after all.

 

“I can’t keep living like this, Mr. Stark.” Peter grabs his chest and tugs on his shirt. It’s a large sweatshirt that Tony has never seen Peter wear before. He has a feeling it belongs to the kid’s uncle. “If this can help, even a little, I want to try.”

 

“Okay, okay,” Tony says, knowing he can’t stop Peter from doing this. He turns around and makes sure everything is in place.

 

They’re in a small room at the tower; the only thing inside is the small couch Peter is currently curled up on. Tony had to clear out a lot of the furniture so it doesn’t get in the way of Peter’s projection. On the couch, he has blankets ready for when Peter gets out of his headspace. Tony knows the first time he tried it, it left him feeling more raw and vulnerable than he can ever remember.

 

“FRIDAY, lock down this room. No one comes in until I say,” Tony says. He takes a hesitant seat next to Peter. “Kid, this...your brain can’t censor things when it comes to this. If there’s something you don’t want me to see--.”

 

“I don’t have anything to hide, Mr. Stark. Just…” Peter takes a deep breath but doesn’t finish his thoughts.

 

“I can wait outside and FRIDAY will call me back in when you need me,” Tony says, hoping to make this as easy as possible for Peter.

 

Peter’s hands shoot out to grab Tony’s sleeve immediately. “Don’t go,” he begs, looking embarrassed.

 

“Okay, I won’t go,” Tony assures him. “I’ll be right here the whole time.”

 

Peter nods his head as he lets go of his harsh grip on Tony. “Thank you,” he whispers.

 

“You ready?” Tony asks, watching his face carefully to spot any possible lie.

 

“Y-yeah. Ready as I’ll ever be,” he responds, avoiding eye contact with Tony.

 

Tony hands the glasses over to him. “Here, put these on. The moment it gets to be too much, take them off.”

 

Peter nods again but doesn’t say a word otherwise. Then he takes the glasses from Tony’s hands and slips them on his face. He shuts his eyes and slowly, the projection starts to fill the room.

 

Tony holds his breath, not sure what to expect. Tony doesn’t know the full story of Ben. He never thought there was a good time to ask the kid, “So, how did your Uncle wind up getting shot and murdered?”

 

He does know that he wanted _no one_ near him when he tried this for the first time. He had no idea what would come up. Neither does Peter. But he’s willing to find out with Tony in the room and that means _a lot._

 

The scene starts and BARF-Peter is there, taking books from his locker. He looks younger than he is now; it looks like his freshman year of high school. His head is down and his shoulders are slumped. Tony knows he’s trying to stay invisible.

 

That obviously doesn’t work as another kid comes up behind him. He slams a hand against Peter’s locker door and it slams shut, narrowly missing BARF-Peter’s fingers as he pulls them back. “Hey, Penis Parker.”

 

Not a friend. Tony knows Peter deals with bullying, but the kid doesn’t know he knows. He tries to hide it, but Peter can’t hide anything. He’s a horrible liar.

“Leave me alone, Flash,” BARF-Peter grumbles, trying to step out of the bully’s way. But then the bully, Flash, puts another hand on the locker trapping him.

 

“What’s a matter, buddy? I just wanna talk.” Flash doesn’t move.

 

“I don’t,” BARF-Peter replies in a clipped tone. He adjusts the strap on his shoulder as he looks around the hallway nervously. He’s looking for help. For anyone to notice his situation and help him out.

 

“I didn’t say you had a choice in this, did I?” Flash scoffs. “I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna shut up and listen, freak.”

 

BARF-Peter flinches at the name and looks down at his feet. Flash laughs, knowing he hit a nerve. Tony feels sick that this kid knows exactly how to tear Peter down and that he gets joy out of it.

 

“If you even _think_ of making me look like an idiot, _ever again_ , at a Decathlon meeting like that, you’re going to regret it,” Flash warns, leaning really close to BARF-Peter’s face. BARF-Peter turns his face away, trying to ignore him, but Flash grabs him by the cheeks and forces him to look straight. “Do you understand?” BARF-Peter stays quiet and Flash uses his hand to shake his head. “I said: _do you understand_?”

 

“Yes,” he mutters.

 

Tony turns to Peter. His cheeks are flushed with embarrassment and it looks like Peter is close to pulling the glasses off of his face. But he keeps them on and Tony continues to wonder what this has to do with his Uncle Ben.

 

Tony focuses on the projection and somehow, BARF-Peter managed to get free. He’s stalking away from his bully, a scowl on his face. He mumbles about what a jackass Flash is, but it’s a little too loud.

 

Just as expected, the beating comes fast and brutal.

 

It’s over quickly; BARF-Peter doesn’t fight back and barely blocks any of the punches so Flash is appeased before long. He leaves BARF-Peter on the floor a bloody mess, but that’s not the worst of it. It’s the words Flash says before he leaves.

 

“You’re nothing, Parker. Don’t forget that,” he snarls down at him. “I will keep telling you until you realize the world hates Penis Parker. They don’t need him. Nobody does.”

 

Tony doesn’t want to listen to this. It sounds like a really bad script out a really bad movie. But he keeps watching because if the kid is projecting it, then it’s important.

 

“Why don’t you follow your parent’s footsteps and just leave already?” Flash’s voice is a whisper now; he knows he doesn’t have to yell for this words to sting. Tony watches as BARF-Peter tenses up. “If they could see you now like this, they’d be so embarrassed. So, do your auntie and uncle favor. If you know what I mean.”

 

BARF-Peter turns his head to hide it in his arm as he continues to lay there. Flash kicks him one more time. “You’re pathetic, Parker. Fucking pathetic.”

 

He walks away and BARF-Peter doesn’t move. Tony knows he’s crying, even if his face is hidden. But, his shoulders are shaking. He just lays there on the ground and the scary part is that nobody comes by to see if he’s okay. Sure, it’s after hours and there’s not a lot of people staying after, but there has to be _somebody._

 

After a few minutes, BARF-Peter finally pulls himself off the ground and starts walking. Tony hates how broken Flash left him. His face is still a bloody mess as he makes his way down the hallway. It’s a sad sight to see and not be able to do anything to help.

 

His project stutters as he exits the school and then suddenly, he’s walking down his apartment hallway. He stops outside his door and hesitates before opening the door slowly. His movements are sluggish and his head remains down as he walks into the room.

 

Tony hears May’s voice first, “Peter! Where have you been?”

 

BARF-Peter doesn’t say a word. He doesn't look up. He doesn’t stop walking.

 

“Peter, get back over here. You’re not hiding in your bedroom after disappearing for hours after school,” May shouts after him.

 

Before BARF-Peter can make it to his room, a man is in front of him. He’s tall and buff and strong. His arms are crossed over his chest. “Answer your aunt when she is speaking to you, Peter.”

 

BARF-Peter tries to walk around the man. He doesn’t get far before his arm is grabbed. He shoves it off with a grunt.

 

“Peter,” the man says, “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I don’t like it.”

 

May comes up next to him. “Baby, please just tell us what’s going on.”

 

“Nothing,” BARF-Peter mumbles.

 

“Look at your aunt when you’re speaking to her, Peter.”

 

BARF-Peter hesitates because looking up means giving away the bruises painting his face. But he does so anyway. May gasps and covers her face, coming closer to her nephew.

 

The man growls and asks in question low voice, “Who did that?”

 

BARF-Peter flinches. “Uncle Ben--.”

 

“Who is hurting you, Peter?” Ben asks; his voice is angry, but it's not directed at Peter.

 

“It's nothing.”

 

“Peter, that's not _nothing_.” May holds his face gently. “If someone is bullying you--.”

 

“I'm not being bullied!” Peter snaps, jerking out of her hold.

 

“Don't take that tone with your aunt,” Ben says.

 

BARF-Peter sags his shoulders. “I'm sorry.”

 

“We just want to know what's going on, Peter,” Ben says in a soft voice. “Is that why you've been so...distant from us lately? How long have you been bullied?”

 

BARF-Peter glares at the wall. “I'm not...Uncle Ben, don't worry about me.”

 

“We're going to worry about you, Peter. Especially when you're keeping secrets from us.” Ben remains stern, but his voice is soft in just the right places.

 

Despite May and Ben trying to keep him calm, BARF-Peter grows anxious. “I'm sorry,” he says and his voice cracks a little.

 

Tony glances over to Peter sitting next to him and sees he's not crying like his other half, but he looks close.

 

“Don't be sorry. Just tell us what's going on.” Ben takes a deep breath. “If you don't want to talk about the bullying right now, how about your glasses?”

 

There are no glasses on BARF-Peter’s face. Tony doesn't even know Peter wore glasses.

 

“Did they break again? Did the boy hurting you break them?” May asks, softly. “I get paid next week, but if duct tape can't keep them together until then, I can try and scrounge together something.”

 

“I don't need them anymore. You don't need to do anything, May,” BARF-Peter sounds like he's begging.

 

“Peter, I've already told you I don't care about spending money on you. You're our boy and it's our job to take care of you.”

 

BARF-Peter scrubs at his eyes. “You don't need to though; I'm fine.”

 

“Remove that phrase from your vocabulary,” Ben says suddenly. “I'm tired of hearing you say you're fine when you're obviously not.”

 

BARF-Peter starts to pull on his sleeves. “Okay, _yes,_ there's a kid at school bothering me, but it's nothing. If he ever gets bad, I'll tell you.”

 

 _“If he gets bad?”_ May repeats incredulously. “Peter, look at your damn face! That's not bad?”

 

“That's it,” Ben says suddenly. “I'm calling in sick tomorrow and heading straight to your school.”

 

BARF-Peter jumps. “No! Don't take off from work for this. It usually doesn't happen; he was just upset.”

 

“Frankly, Peter, I don't give a shit,” Ben says and BARF-Peter flinches. “I don't care what is going on his life. He's hurting my boy and I'm not going to sit here while it happens. I don't care what it takes: I'll do it all to keep you safe.”

 

The tears are streaming down BARF-Peter’s face. “But you shouldn't have to.”

 

“And why's that?” He asks, looking confused.

 

BARF-Peter swallows and says, “Because I'm not your son. You shouldn't have to take care of me.”

 

Peter hadn't meant the words to hurt, but he realizes how it sounds the moment the room goes silent. All that can be heard is Ben’s heavy breathing and BARF-Peter’s sniffles.

 

After a long moment, Ben finally speaks, “So, that's what you think? Because you're not our son, you're not our kid? Is that how family works?”

 

“I didn't mean--.”

 

“Look at me when you speak, Peter.”

 

Peter looks up and his eyes are red and tears are slipping down his cheeks. “I didn't mean it like that. I just don't think it's fair for you and May to have to take care of me.”

 

“Find someone else to take you chess meets,” Ben says.

 

“Ben--,” May starts, but Ben continues.

 

“Tell Ned I'm not driving you two to the movies this weekend.” He crosses his arms over his chest. He looks so much bigger and taller than BARF-Peter. They're so different, if Tony didn't know, he would have never guessed they were related. “Who's going to cheer you on at the science fair next week?”

 

BARF-Peter is speechless and looks a little frightened. Tony guesses Ben has never spoken to him like this before.

 

“Because if you think I'm not supposed to have your back when things get rough, then why should I be there when it's easy?”

 

“Uncle Ben, I'm sorry,” BARF-Peter tries to backtrack. Tony pities him and knows how hard it is for Ben to not pull the kid in for a hug. He sees it in his eyes.

 

“You're not a burden to us, Peter Benjamin Parker. You're apart of this family. But, if you don't want to be apart of this family then fine.”

 

The room is silent until May lifts up her hands and steps between Peter and Ben. “Okay, boys, let's just take a deep breath and calm down.”

 

“What do you think parents do, Peter?” Ben asks looking hurt.

 

BARF-Peter lets out a sob as he wipes his face, but he doesn't offer a response.

 

“They love their kid. They're there for their kid. They take of them. They protect them. They provide for them,” Ben answers his own question. “Do we not do that for you?”

 

“You do,” BARF-Peter says through a sob, and, boy, is he a mess. “That's the point!”

 

“So, you want me to care less?”

 

“No! I just don't want to be the reason you h-have to give up s-so much.” His words are barely comprehensible. “You didn't ask for me. I was just thrown at your door and, and, it's not fair!”

 

“You think we didn't want you?” Ben whispers. “You think we had to discuss bringing you into our home?”

 

“Oh, Peter,” May says softly, now staring at him with so much pity. Tony knows if it were directed at him, he'd hate it.

 

“So, what, you thought we should have told the social worker no? We should have let her put you in an orphanage because your parents died?”

 

BARF-Peter doesn't say a word and that's the only answer Ben needs.

 

“Wow, okay, and here I thought it would be fucking insane to let you go, but if that's how you really feel.” Ben runs a hand through his hair.

 

BARF-Peter fidgets. “You don't understand.”

 

“What don't I understand? That--.”

 

“I'm tired of being different!” BARF-Peter shouts, his chest heaving. “I'm so sick and tired of being a problem.

 

“You're not a problem,” May tries to reassure him.

 

“I feel like one,” he says. “I'm not worth it all.” He shakes his head, looks down and mumbles what sounds like, “Pathetic.”

 

“You know what _I'm_ tired of?” Ben asks. “You talking about yourself like that. If kids are saying this to you at school and you believe them, then you need to tell us.”

 

“You know they’re wrong, baby. They're so wrong.” May comes closer to hold him, but BARF-Peter steps back.

 

“Peter Benjamin Parker, don't push your aunt away.”

 

BARF-Peter can't get a word out; he just lets out a choked sob. “I'm sorry,” he whimpers.

 

“Stop apologizing.” Ben sighs. “Peter, why are you acting like this?”

 

“I'm sorry,” BARF-Peter says again.

 

_“Peter.”_

 

“I'm sorry!” He shouts one more time before rushing away to his bedroom.

 

Ben and May call him but he's faster. He slams his door shut and quickly locks it. Ben knocks on the door. “Peter, open the door.”

 

BARF-Peter doesn't stop and makes it to his window. Ben pounds on the door again and he glances back before he opens up the window and climbs out.

 

It's dark outside and BARF-Peter blends in with the shadows as he scales the side of his apartment building all the way to the roof. He stops once he reaches the top and climbs over the ledge. He falls onto the roof and leans against the wall of the ledge.

 

He sobs loudly, rubbing his face, but the tears continue to pour. Tony feels like he’s intruding on one of Peter’s very personal moments. He knows he is. But Peter doesn't go to take the glasses off so Tony doesn't move.

 

He stays like that for a few minutes, very long minutes. He doesn't move until his sobs die down to pained gasps and hiccups.

 

Tony watches him stand up and for a moment, he thinks this is where he changes the past and copes with the trauma. Maybe he goes back down to his room before Ben comes looking for him.

 

But he doesn't. He does something much worse than just hiding on the roof.

 

On unsteady feet, he walks over to the ledge and takes a seat. He looks over the edge down below the couple hundred feet fall. His eyes well up with tears again.

 

“You're pathetic, Peter,” he whispers. “You screw everything up. Ben and May don't deserve to put up with you.” He leans just a bit further. “No one does…”

 

Tony’s heart is beating wildly out of his chest. He knows how it ends: Peter gets down, or else he wouldn't be here today. But seeing Peter this low and there's nothing he can do about it, _hurts._ This was before he met Peter. If Peter went through with this, Tony wouldn't have known him. He would have just been a story about some kid in Queens.

 

Tony looks over at Peter and there are tears pouring down his cheeks as he watches the scene in front of him.

 

BARF-Peter stays up there, looking like he's debating it before a cell phone starts ringing. BARF-Peter startles but not enough to lose his balance. He pulls out his cell phone and looks at the screen. Ben’s smiling up at him.

 

BARF-Peter takes a deep breath and answers the phone. “Hello?” He listens to the other line. “I'm fi--.” He quickly stops himself and says, “I'm on the roof.” He hangs up.

 

Ben is there minutes later. “Oh, Peter,” he says.

 

BARF-Peter turns around from his spot and the tears pour down his cheeks again. “Uncle Ben.”

 

In three strides, Ben is by his side pulling him into his arms, away from that ledge. Tony breathes a sigh of relief. “Come here, kid.”

 

BARF-Peter is crying all over again. “I'm so _sorry_ , Uncle Ben.”

 

Ben holds him close, rubbing his back. “I know you are, Pete. Shh, it's okay.”

 

“I didn't mean it!”

 

“I think we both said some stuff we didn't mean.” Ben kisses the top of his head. “Why don't we go down and talk about this in the apartment? Your aunt has been going crazy since she saw your empty bedroom.”

 

Peter chuckles and wipes his eyes, still pressed against Ben’s chest.

 

“By the way: the new door is coming out of your allowance.”

 

“Deal,” BARF-Peter says immediately and then, “Wait, you broke down my door?”

 

“Peter, we had just gotten into probably our biggest fight and you weren't answering. I thought you were doing something stupid.” He pulls BARF-Peter closer and his voice cracks as he says, “Turns out I was right.”

 

“I wasn't going to, I just, I was upset. I'm still upset...the feeling is still there,” BARF-Peter admits.

 

Ben doesn't ask for him to clarify on that feeling. “That's okay. It's going to be okay. You've just gotta talk to us, kid. We can't help you if we don't know.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't apologize. Just let us in.” Ben starts to run his fingers through Peter’s hair

 

“Okay.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

 

Ben kisses his head again. And again. And again. “God, I love you, kid.”

 

“I love you, too, Uncle Ben.”

 

Suddenly, the projection is disappearing. Tony turns to look at Peter. He's breathing heavy and the glasses are on the floor.

 

Tony quickly gets into action. That's why he's here: for this part, the recovery. He takes Peter’s hands in his and tries to calm him down. “Shh, buddy, you're okay.”

 

Peter shakes his head but doesn't speak. The tears continue to pour down his face. Tony’s afraid he's going to pass out if he doesn't calm his breathing down.

 

“In and out, slowly, come on, kiddo,” Tony says softly.

 

Peter catches him by surprise when he practically jumps into his arms. His knee digs into Tony’s thigh, some of his curls fill Tony’s mouth, and he's squeezing Tony so tightly he can barely breathe.

 

He sobs right in his ear and it's loud and wet and ugly. Tony doesn't think he's going to stop soon. “I didn't answer the phone! I didn't answer the phone!”

 

He starts to smack his head against Tony’s shoulder. Tony finally moves, having been frozen since getting an armful of teenager, and cups the back of Peter’s head. He holds it against his shoulder so he can't bring it back and slam it against him. “Stop it. You're going to hurt yourself.”

 

Part of Tony is afraid that that's what he was trying to do.

 

“So stupid. Stupid. Stupid.”

 

“Peter, stop,” he says right into his ear. “You're not stupid. There's no way you could have known.”

 

“He went out looking for me!” Peter says through his tears. “If I hadn't run off, he wouldn't have left the apartment. If he hadn't left the apartment, he wouldn't have been on the street. If he hadn't been on the street, he wouldn't have gotten shot. _It's all my fault.”_

 

Tony lets his eyes shut. The way the kid says it all makes it seem like his fault and maybe he started the chain of events, but he shouldn't blame himself. Unfortunately, Tony knows there's no possible way for him to convince Peter otherwise.

 

“I killed Uncle Ben.”

 

“Peter Parker, _do not_ say that,” Tony says quickly. “Did you pull the trigger?”

 

“No, but--.”

 

“There's no buts about it, Peter. It's not your fault.”

 

Peter doesn't argue, but he continues to cry until they die down into sniffles. He doesn't leave Tony’s arms and despite how numb Tony’s leg is, he doesn't dare to move him.

 

He remembers how Ben held him in Peter’s altered memory. Hesitantly, he copies it. He starts rubbing Peter’s back softly and then threads a hand through his hair.

 

Peter melts even more in his hold. “I miss him, Tony. I miss him so much.”

 

_Tony. Not Mr. Stark._

 

Tony feels his own eyes burn as he says, “I know, kiddo.”

 

After a few more moments of crying, Peter quiets down. Tony thinks maybe he finally ran out of tears. He starts to pull away and Tony refrains from pulling him back. At least the weight is off his thigh now.

 

Peter pulls out his phone from his pocket and fidgets with it in his hand. “He left me a message. When I was on the roof.”

 

“Peter, it's okay, you don't have to--.”

 

“I want you to hear it. I want you to know Uncle Ben,” Peter says softly as he unlocks the phone with shaky fingers.

 

Tony remains silent. He wishes he could meet Uncle Ben. The man had to be great if he raised Peter into the kid that he is.

 

Peter scrolls through his phone and there on the bottom list of his voicemails is one from Ben. He lets out a shaky breath before pressing play. Ben’s soft voice fills the room.

 

 _“Peter...I know you've been dealing with a lot. Hell, you've been dealing with a lot since you were just a kid. The world takes too much out of you and I would do anything,_ anything _, to make it even just a little easier for you.”_

 

Peter squeezes his eyes shut as Ben lets out a soft chuckle.

 

 _“Not that you really need me, huh? You're the strongest kid I know.”_ He is silent for a few seconds. _“May and I only want you to be happy, Peter. And if you're not, that's okay, we can sit and talk about it as a family. You don't have to go through it alone. You don't have to be strong all the time.”_

 

Peter is crying silently and Tony wraps an arm around him.

 

_“I'll always be here for you, Peter. I don't care what some punk at school tells you: you're not pathetic. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Don't forget that, kiddo. Please.”_

 

Tony thinks he's about to hang up, but he says one last thing, _“And, Peter, I was lying before. Don't worry. Of course, I'm coming to cheer you on at the science fair next week. I wouldn't miss it for the world.”_

 

Peter covers his mouth with his hand, his shoulders shaking.

 

_“I love you, Peter. Just come home. Please.”_

 

Tony doesn't speak. He waits for Peter to calm down enough to say something, “Sometimes I listen to it. When I start to forget his voice.” Peter wipes his nose and lifts his sleeve to it. He inhales deeply and says, “It doesn't smell like him anymore.”

 

“It's going to be okay, kid. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow. But, one day, it's going to be easier to smile through it all. You'll see.”

 

Peter falls back into Tony’s arms and Tony wraps with a blanket around them. Neither of them says a word. Tony holds him close while Peter cries.

 

One day, it's going to easier.

 

Not now.

 

But one day.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. Please let me know below:)


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